THE WARLOCKS OF YAHOO VS. THE NEW YORK YANKEES

Perhaps it's a bit too much to ask in this age of the journalistic magi, but it would be nice if our august scribes at least tried to be unbiased. From selling us wars to picking our political candidates, "journalists," as they used to be called, have decided that their job is to dictate opinions and throw objectivity to the wind. Now I recognize that sports do not quite rank that highly in terms of importance as the aforementioned, but I do think they're relevant in terms of how much emphasis we place on them in culture and what it says about how we approach the things about which we care.

Which brings me to sports guild of the journalistic magi and how they view the New York Yankees. As with most else in the media, we need to go through the looking-glass to find that truth. Rather than the ever-stated meme that the media is biased for New York teams, the truth is there is a twisted, almost fetishistic bias against them almost to the point of absurdity.

Take Yahoo Sports... someone... please?

The High Warlocks of the Yahoo Anti-Yankee Coven were at it again. In case you're not familiar with them, the Anti-Yankee Coven (or "AYC" as we in know call them) are Jeff Passan, Dan Wetzel, and High Priest and ruling Shaman, Tim Brown. They use pens rather than broomsticks, though I could think of a good use for the latter for all three.

Junior High Warlock, Jeff Passan, recently wrote a lovely article about Andy Pettitte meeting with the media about HGH and somehow, magically, found a way to turn it into a diatribe about the great Yankee teams of the '90s.

Presumably when he and the other two members of the coven, Dan Wetzel and Tim Brown, gathered in their little circle around a pentagram with a Red Sox logo at its center, they decided that day's malefic anti-Yankee incantation would be filled with the spirit of their Dark Lord Larry Lucchino.

Above: The Yahoo Warlocks planning their story.

Here's what they said:

"More than 20 percent of the names that appeared in the Mitchell Report had played on the Yankees during the Joe Torre era. Pettitte and Roger Clemens and Chuck Knoblauch and Jason Giambi and Kevin Brown and Gary Sheffield and Jason Grimsley and on and on, all the way to Dan Naulty.

The Yankees were dirty. Among the dirtiest.

And not even the best Kirby vacuum, let alone a news conference, could clean that mess."

Not even the best Kirby vacuum could clean up that mess? Now there's some inspired imagery. Junior Warlock Jeff is a regular poet, isn't he? Well, perhaps not-- and he's certainly no master of analytical thinking either.

Let's all do Jeff's job for him and examine that statement a bit and get underneath what's really going on in this work of journalistic witchcraft.

First off, isn't it a little strange that none of these Internet warlocks have even bothered to question why there are so many names from New York teams (Mets included) on the Mitchell report? You think they'd scratch just a little below to the surface and question a few assumptions, but of course not.

I guess casting anti-New York spells is hard work. It doesn't leave time for analysis.

First, Senator George Mitchell, author of the aforementioned report, interesting enough, works for the Boston Red Sox.

Just let that sink in.

Senator Mitchell (Center)-- Mr. Red Sox

The man who authors a report damning to the New York Yankees (and Mets) as HGH/steroid cheats is in the paid employ of not just another baseball organization, but the rival baseball organization from the city whose disdain for Gotham is ever-palpable.

No one considers that this is at least suspect? An employee of the Red Sox issuing a report which sullies the Yankees? No, nothings suspicious there.

That's like Sen. Schumer (D-NY, for you kids playing at home) taking a job with George Steinbrenner then getting independent counsel to bust the Red Sox for insider trading.

Of course, we are supposed to assume Sen. Mitchell is above reproach.

He's a politician, for God's sake. Since when have any of them become saints?

Let's not forget, George Mitchell, was the senator from Maine-- Red Sox country.

If he's so above reproach and unbiased, why did he release his report in the middle of a playoff series involving Red Sox and the Cleveland Indians when said report just happened to contain strong charges against Cleveland's star pitcher, Paul Byrd? Are we supposed to believe he didn't think that would have an adverse affect on the opponents of the team he's paid to work for?

Oh, no. Not Curious George. He'd never deceive.

Here was Sen. Mitchell's flaccid defense of his actions:

"Neither I nor any member of my investigative staff had anything whatsoever to do with the publication of the allegations about Mr. Byrd," the statement said. "We had no prior knowledge of those allegations, and we first learned of them, along with the rest of the public, through news accounts."

Wow, the guy in charge of the investigation had no prior knowledge of the allegations. Amazing. Good job, George.

I hear they've contacted the Vatican because George is on his third miracle. Sainthood isn't far behind. Yes, the man once described as a "Tobacco Whore" http://www.slate.com/id/2281/ for his saintly work on behalf of cigarette companies couldn't possibly be guilty of any wrongdoing.

But, then again, according to Junior Warlock, if you're a little dirty, you could be all dirty, no matter what good you may have done.

Just try cleaning those ashes with a Kirby vacuum.

Sen. Mitchell spent $20 million on a report which managed get no further than the two sources he was given to begin with before the investigation started-- two sources that were tied to the Yankees and Mets. He couldn't track down anyone else on any other teams for $20 million? No. "We got New York. Why go any further? We're done here. No more to see."

Great use of money, Senator.

And what of those Yankee players that Junior High Warlock Jeff Passan named above?

Well, that's an interesting one. First, notice that Jason Giambi, Kevin Brown and Gary Sheffield were not part of any of the Yankees' championship teams. Pettitte, Knoblauch and Naulty, according to the unimpeachable Mitchell Report, were only involved with HGH after the Yankee championship years. That leaves only two players he mentioned, Clemens and the vaunted Jason Grimsley.

This is important, because if you go a little further in Junior Warlock Jeff's article, you'll note:

"Of course, the Yankees don't see it that way, the blinders a product of a sport-wide ignorance to performance-enhancing drugs ripping through baseball like crack infiltrated big cities in the '80s. The majority of the Yankees probably were clean, though a majority constitutes just 13 of 25 players, and if even one was cheating, it at least puts a scratch or dent into the shiny trophies New York so proudly displays."

No envy or resentment there. Right.

What Jeff and the AYC want you to believe is that those great Yankee teams of the '90s were completely tarnished. Let's examine his logic, kids.

Jeff says that the majority of the Yankee players were "probably clean" (thanks, Jeff), but "a majority constitutes just 13 of 25 players," so, ergo, we can assume, at least 12 Yankees per year were "dirty."

Brilliant!

Let's apply this breakthrough in logical reasoning to other parts of life. We'll call Jeff's reasoning "The Warlock Postulate."

The Warlock Postulate states that if somebody in a group is doing something wrong, we can assume that nearly half of that group is guilty too. Okay, so there are 2.2 million Americans in prison, or 1 out of every 136 people. Now, using The Warlock Postulate above, we can assume that the majority of Americans are not criminals, but with a population of 301 million people, at least 150 million people in this country have to be crooks! 150 million immoral, rapacious, dangerous citizens are running around this great land of ours according to the logical wizardry of Warlock Jeff! Dear God! Run for your lives.

But don't stop there, fellow citizen. No. You can use the Warlock Postulate in every aspect of your life. Think about how it applies to your place of work. If tomorrow, when you go to your office, you see someone stealing paper clips-- watch out! If you work in an office of say, 50 people, 24 are just plain thieves!

It's a jungle out there!

Thank you, Junior Warlock Jeff. Now that I have The Warlock Postulate, I look at the world through a whole new set of eyes.

Now let's take a real look at the hard numbers. Since the Mitchell Report is our Bible, let's look at what it really says about those Yankees championship teams of the '90s.

First, according to the report, only three players on the Yankees 1996 championship team were reported to ever have had a connection with HGH, Pettitte, Jim Leyritz and Ricky Bones. You remember Ricky, right? (You must be related to him.) Pettitte, according to the Mitchell Bible, did not use HGH until 2002-- after all the Yankee championships. Same for Leyritz who admitted to using HGH after the 2000 season, his last with the Yankees. Bones was caught with performance-enhancing drug paraphernalia in 2000, once again, after he had already left the Yankees.

(Please see Mitchell Report pages 92-94 and 140-142 for Ricky Bones. Pettitte is named in a Jason Grimsley affidavit and through his own affidavit to Congress. Leyritz's admission comes via The New York Post.)

So according to the Mitchell Report, no one on the 1996 team has any connection with HGH use during that season.

Sorry, Junior Warlock Jeff, but no taint there.

1996. Clean. Check.

By the way, if you're wondering about Ricky Bones, he was picked up by the Yankees in August '96 and released before the playoffs. Two months on the team. He did not play in the postseason.

He also had an ERA of 14.14.

For the 1998 team, a team that is arguably the greatest in baseball history, there is no one, according to the Mitchell Bible, implicated in use for that season. Four players who were implicated, Pettitte, Knoblauch, Mike Stanton and Darren Holmes. Again, they were implicated for use after the Yankees title runs, not during 1998. (Pettitte's use is mentioned above, for Knoblauch see page 175 of the Mitchell Report, for Stanton see page 205. Darren Holmes use was revealed in a Sports Illustrated article.)

The Mitchell Report is the Bible according to the Warlocks. We must trust it. If it is the Bible, then its word is unerring. If we believe it shows when people were dirty, then we have to believe it shows when people were clean. Even Warlock logic will admit that.

1998. Greatest team ever. Clean. Check.

1999. The Clemens era. Roger Clemens and Jason Grimsley are the only Yankees implicated for the use of performance-enhancing drugs during the 1999 season. The other players implicated by Mitchell, Pettitte, Stanton, and Knoblauch, are all implicated after the Yankees title runs. Naulty is implicated to have used on and off before joining the Yankees in '99, but to have stopped before joining the team.

(For Naulty, please see Mitchell Report page 232 and his interview with Mark Fainaru-Wada of ESPN (the man who co-wrote Game of Shadows) where he states he went off steroids before the '99 season.)

Clemens, for his part, denies that he ever used performance-enhancing drugs. I will admit, I'm suspicious of his denials, but they're out there. Grimsley was, no doubt, a cheat-- although a not extremely effective one.

Here are the stats for Clemens and Grimsley during 1999:

1999	Regular Season
	W	L	SV	IP	ER	ERA	K	BB
Clemens	14	10	0	187.7	96	4.60	163	90
Grimsley	7	2	1	75	30	3.60	49	40
Total	21.00	12.00	1.00	262.70	126.00	4.32	212.00	130.00

1999	Postseason
	W	L	SV	IP	ER	ERA	K	BB
Clemens	2	1	0	16.2	6	3.33	8	6
Grimsley	0	0	0	2.1	0	0	0	2
Total	2.00	1.00	0.00	18.30	6.00	2.95	8.00	8.00

There is no question that the fact that there are two players on this team who were admitted users during the 1999 season is nothing to be proud of, but it should be noted that, again, if these guys were using, they weren't exactly using well or beating the world. That's not a justification, only a statement. It's simply pointing out that their numbers were in no way above average for players for that season or era. In fact, they were below average.

In 2000, we come to the same situation. We have three players who are reported to have been using during that season, the aforementioned Clemens and Grimsley, and one Mr. Jose Canseco, who joined the team in August of that year.

2000	Regular Season
	W	L	SV	IP	ER	ERA	K	BB
Clemens	13	8	0	204.3	84	3.70	188	84
Grimsley	3	2	1	96.3	54	5.04	53	42
Total	16.00	10.00	1.00	300.60	138.00	4.13	241.00	126.00

2000	Postseason
	W	L	SV	IP	ER	ERA	K	BB
Clemens	2	2	0	28	10	3.21	34	10
Grimsley	0	0	0	1	0	0	1	3
Total	2.00	2.00	0.00	29	10	3.10	35.00	13.00

2000	Regular Season
	AB	HITS	HR	RBI	AVG
Canseco	111	27	6	19	0.243
Total	111	27	6	19	0.243

2000	Postseason
	AB	HITS	HR	RBI	AVG
Canseco	1	0	0	0	0.000
Total	1	0	0	0	0.000

Canseco added virtually nothing to the team. He had one at bat in the postseason. Grimsley had an ERA over 5.00 and pitched one inning in the postseason. Clemens won 13 and lost eight and he was a .500 pitcher in the postseason.

For only two years, 1999 and 2000 can charges of "taint" be leveled at the Yankees. Those charges are nothing like what Junior Warlock Jeff would like you to believe.

Three players, two one year, three the next, are reported to have used during 1999 and 2000. None of the three produced numbers that would give one pause to say they had a season-changing effect on the team. As stated above, Canseco didn't even show up till August of the season he played and was non-existent in the postseason. Another, Grimsley, posted numbers that were below average by anyone's standards and can hardly be considered someone who helped those teams much-- he probably weighed them down.

Only Clemens, the ex-Red Sox, can be questioned as to his affect on those great Yankee teams. But as anyone who follows the Yankees knows, Clemens was not exactly the leader of those pitching staffs and couldn't often be called a "Big Game Player" when it came to crunch time. The numbers above bear that out.

No excuses should be made for cheating. If Clemens is guilty, shame on him. He will have sullied those men (none of whom can be implicated by association, Warlock Postulate logic or not) who played with him. Yet, let's be clear that no teams during this era were clean, and the Yankees were clearly not the "dirtiest," no matter how many crazed incantations the AYC might blabber.

Perhaps, someday, we'll have an unbiased investigator of performance-enhancing drugs in baseball who actually does his job and spends his money wisely. Only then will we know who benefited and whom was hurt during the era.

There's a strange pathology that has developed in this Post-Post Modern Age that involves obsession of disdain that play out against symbolic figures or groups. The pathology plays to our deepest biases and fears and it manifests itself in masks of false "objectivity" in what is conveyed to us in the media. The objects of our disdain can be politicians, starlets, ballplayers or teams, but the objects themselves are almost meaningless; like all symbols they feed at something deeper.

They feed at our resentments and prejudices, conscious or unconscious.

Looking the writings of the Yahoo AYC or at reporting of the Four-lettered Beast of the Sports Apocalypse (aka, ESPN-- a subject for another time), we are left wondering what standards these men (and they are predominantly male) use when writing and reporting. Logic, reasoning and clear argumentation have no meaning for them.

When those who filter the facts of our reality to us do so with grime, we are all left sullied.

As I pointed out above, one might think that because this involves sports, it's unimportant. Sports are a mirror by which we may see our real selves that we keep behind closed doors in our culture as opposed to the "best behavior" we play at when we talk about "serious" topics. Watch the sports fan and see the American in his or her natural element.

Let's hope that the next time the Yahoo AYC convenes, the warlocks who write will cast a spell of fairness upon themselves and give us something of truth and clarity... even when they write about the Yankees.

Yahoo!